Title: "Always"
Author: Dana Doggett
Feedback: danadoggett@yahoo.com
Website: http://www.danadoggett.com/
Date: June 15, 2011
Distribution: Serenity of X, Always On Your Side. All others please 
ask.

Rating: PG
Category: Follmer/Reyes, drabble, alternating Reyes POV and Follmer POV
Timeline: "Providence" and "Provenance"
Word Count: 566
Beta: Little Albatross

Summary: Monica and Brad think about the hug they shared in the 
hospital chapel.

Author's Note: I don't like using character last names when I write. 
This is a response to the Awareness Month 2011 FRR 
Providence/Provenance Drabble Challenge at Serenity of X (details of 
the challenge are provided after the end of the story).

Disclaimer: I do not own "The X-Files", Monica Reyes or Brad Follmer. 
They belong to 20th Century Fox Broadcasting, and Ten-Thirteen 
Productions. They are used here without permission for entertainment 
purposes only.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I can feel it. Brad wants to take my side in everything that has 
happened. He wants to believe, but is afraid to break down the walls he 
has built up around himself. He wants to show me that he is still 
someone that I can trust, someone I can open up to. I told him that I 
was lost when he found me in the hospital chapel...

... and I told her that seeing her in a chapel was too traditional for 
her. She was lost and searching for answers, trying to find her way, 
and all I could do, all I wanted to do was hug her. Feeling my arms 
around her was comforting for me, but was it also for her? I hadn't 
realized how much I missed her these past three years...

... I could have stayed in his arms forever, but I had to pull away. He 
can't know how much I still care for him. He must wonder why I left New 
York without as much as a word to him. I love him, I always will, but 
there are secrets he harbours that prevent us from fully committing to 
each other. I wish he'd let me in, disclose everything, but I suspect 
it would be at great risk to himself and his career...

... She pulled away from my embrace and I saw in her eyes the love she 
still has for me. The way she looked at me was the way she used to look 
at me before I'd carry her off to my bed. I wish things were different. 
I wish I hadn't made mistakes. Surely she left me because she suspected 
the wrong I have done, that I still do. I would do anything to go back 
to 1997 and refuse Nicholas Regali. Anything...

... I'd do anything to erase what I saw that night in New York at 
Carlos, to never have seen Brad accept money, to carry on blissfully 
unsuspecting of him. I long for something more, but I force myself to 
push him away, all the while foolishly trying to convince myself that 
John could love me, but he can't and he won't. I will always be the one 
persona who failed to solve his son's murder. John and I have discussed 
this before and he said he cares for me, but every time he sees me he 
is reminded of that dark time in his life. His words break my heart, 
but I don't blame him for feeling this way...

... It makes my stomach churn, and makes me childishly jealous, but if 
I can't be with Monica, then I can and I will accept that now she loves 
John Doggett. He's a good man, a great man. He's the exact opposite of 
me. He's by the books, he's loyal, and he seems to care more about 
others than he cares about himself. However if Monica does end up 
involved with Agent Doggett I will resent him...

... John Doggett is a good man, and I hate that my attempt to fall in 
love with him has made Brad dislike him. I wish I knew how to act 
around Brad so that he would understand that I love him...

... I wish to God that Monica knew that no matter what happens that I 
love her, and that I always will...

Always.

END

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Providence/Provenance Follmer/Reyes Drabble Challenge
 
Due: Thursday, June 9th 
Submit to: You can post your drabble in this thread (or email to: 
serenityofx@gmail.com)
 
Word Count Requirements: 500 words or less 
 
In this FRR Drabble Challenge, address the confused feelings of Monica 
Reyes - she seems to be becoming drawn between wanting to work things 
out with Brad, and allowing herself to care more about her partner, 
John Doggett. Because this is FRR focused, lean towards the FRR. 
Explore ideas about FRR that are new to you (you can use the episode 
discussion with other members to help inspire you), if you can try to 
present something new and unique to their relationship that may not 
have been thought of before.